Kimberly

I feel like the Lord has been tugging at my heart strings lately. He's been putting people and situations in my life, that to be completely honest, have been tearing me apart. 

I want to introduce you to Kimberly. She is 8 years old and the oldest sister to 3 younger siblings. Well, sort of. 

Kimberly's mom actually has 5 kids. Kimberly has an older brother,  one she has never met. Her oldest brother was "gifted away" as a newborn. Her mother didn't want him. Her first baby, just given away. 

This past Monday, Kimberly and 2 of the 3 siblings arrived at the mission. We asked where Gerson (her younger brother, 6 years old) was, and we were blown away when Kimberly said "my mom gave him away." 

Later that morning, as Tia Sandra was getting Kimberly ready to head off for school, Kimberly (out of no where) says "I heard my mom say she wants to give me or Nicole (her younger sister, 4 years old) away just like Gerson". I look over to Sandra as the tears are falling from her eyes. 

How? How can someone literally give away their child? How can someone say such a thing to their child? ...we were at a loss for words. 

Kimberly came back from lunch, and approaches me in a sweet, low, humble voice "Tia, me voy" ("Tia, I'm going now"). I stood up, gave her a huge hug, walked her to the door, told her I loved her and to be careful. Kimberly leaves the mission and walks to school everyday under the hot midday sun because her mom doesn't care enough to send her in a Moto Taxi. It isn't because she can't afford the 40 cents, but more so she just doesn't care to. 

I can't even begin to explain just how sweet Kimberly is. She is helpful, she is loving, she is kind...she is special. How someone could not love her is beyond me. I wish everyone could know Kimberly and tell her just how deeply loved she is. Because, 'loved deeply' is not even enough love!

What can we do from this point on? We can greet her each and every morning with a hug that lets her know we love her. We can help her do her homework and we can teach her life basics if no one else will. We can make sure she goes to school with a full belly. We can love her, teach her of the love of our Lord and Savior and let her know just how valued she is. That is what we can do. And its what we will do. 

Emotions of ministry

This week has been draining me emotionally. I've broken down, cried, questioned and prayed, and to be quite honest, not always happy prayers. I came home the other day from the project and laid down. My feet could barely hold me up. If you know me well, you know I don't nap. Personally, I think it's a waste of time. I laid in my bed, just for 5 minutes to get my strength together and do the finances, the reason I had come home in the first place. I told the ladies and the kids I'd be back in a bit, and to call if they needed anything....I woke up 2 hours later. I stood up, and almost fell backwards. I was more than just tired, I was exhausted. Emotionally and physically exhausted. My feet hurt to walk on. My head hurt to think. And my heart felt like it would burst. This past week I had been dealing with several abandonment cases, abortion case, working with a social worker and visiting a 5 day old baby who's 12 year old mother had no family and no place to go. Tuesday, a friend from church came to the project asking if I had an apparatus for a breathing machine. After the language barrier took a tole on a new word for this piece of medical equipment, I finally figured it out. She explained it was for a lady with cancer and asked again if I had it. I didn't. The next day she died. Wednesday, Gabriela, 7 year old at the project (dealing with severe psychological issues and feeling less than) tried to hurt another little girl, a little more than your typical child fights. Her mother didn't want to believe it and got angry saying I (we) didn't love her child. My heart hurt. How could I not love this precious little girl? Her father (no longer in the picture) once told her she was not his child. She is scarred. She remembers it, even today. Her mother had to give her up for a year (a year ago) because at that point in time she had just given birth and didn't have the means to provide. Gaby went to live with extended family members who abused her emotionally and physically. They hit her, punished her, said bad words to her. For an entire year she didn't know love. For an entire year she was taught everything but love. Her mother, in her eyes, had given up on her, her new caretakers didn't want her. Now, we're dealing with the consequences. We've done nothing but feed Gaby, bathe Gaby, teach Gaby, clothe Gaby, and she thinks we don't love her? I couldn't understand it. I was upset that God would bring me this far, for this? He knows my heart, so why is this happening? Thursday Gabriela didn't arrive at the project, but her two younger sisters did. Gabriela was punished (more of my decision than the mothers). I could only hope the mother would go along with it. Friday, Gabriela showed up, walked in the door with a big smile on her face and a big hug. I pulled her aside and we talked a bit. She didn't like staying with mom at work, she was bored. She wanted to be with us. The entire day I was in edge, keeping my eye on her, even recoding her at times to have proof if anything else were to happen again. It didn't. I was relieved. I told her I was pleased with her behavior and I loved her. I can only pray this will last. I closed up the project and headed over to Sunflower House, a new orphanage by Scott and Susan Ledford, to meet their first little girl, Genesis, 7 years old. I gave her a big hug, stayed a while and headed home. I pulled the car in, got into my house and the phone rings. A mother calls saying her daughter has signs of appendicitis and she can't tolerate the pain. I turn back around, pull the car back out, arrive at the house and do the "tests". Lift her leg, press and release on her stomach, she shrieks from the pain. So we head to the hospital. Once at the emergency room, we wait in line. Literally, wait in line until the doctor can see us. Three hours later we see the doctor, tests are done, and concludes it's a throat infeccion. I could scream. As I stood there with her, my hand on her stomach, I thought of just how bad I wanted to be home. Friday's are new episodes of Shark Tank, one of the few shows in English I love to watch. I looked at her tear swelled eyes and thought just how selfish I was. How could I be thinking of myself at a time like this? The Lord would never. I was ashamed. I leaned over this sweet soul, told her I loved her and we would be out shortly. Sometimes, the Lord takes us out of our comfort, takes away our plans, and gives us new ones. To remind us that He is in control, not us. I was reminded of Gaby. Gaby needed that same reminder. To be told she was loved, and to regain her faith in us again. Last night I was tired. The thought of spending hours on end at a hospital that might not even give her what she needs, was daunting. But I knew there was no choice. I was the one the Lord placed in their life to help at this time. As a faithful servant, I went. Because I knew the Lord had already planned my Friday night, and Shark Tank was not it. It was much better. I was lucky enough to be the one called to hold that 7 year olds hand while she waited in pain to be seen. Thank you God, because you know much better than I do. My heart still hurts. There is pain behind every smile. There are 35 hugs waiting for me every morning. I hug them and say buenos días , even though just walking to the door sometimes takes my breath away from my exhaustion. But each hug and "Hola Tia" gives me just a little bit more strength. I am grateful. So very grateful. We've been open for 3 months, and I know the hardest is not behind us, but I trust that through each block in the road, is a just another way the Lord is trying to get our attention and say, "I am in control and I love you"