Back in the states...

Its a little over a week now since ive been home. How do I feel? Its more like what dont I feel? I have felt every emotion possible I believe. Ive cried, Ive laughed, Ive embraced, Ive longed, and thats just the beginning. Ive left a life Ive created for the past year. Ive left friends, children, brothers and sisters...ive left my family. Ive left a country I have come to love. Despite all the scary moments, sad times, and tough emotions, I have had the best year of my life. I really cant even sit here and try to explain the year I have had. No matter what I write about or try to explain, you will never know how my heart really feels. Sometimes Im not even sure what my heart is feeling. 

Before leaving Honduras, Allison, Dan and I were blessed to be able to travel to Nicaragua and visit dear friends that we have known for the past 10 years. It was an amazing week, but in the back of my mind I knew my time was almost up. Once we got back to Honduras, we had a million things to do. I spent the last few days saying my goodbyes..I felt like they might never end...in fact I wished they wouldnt end.

Friday afternoon, the mothers of the Kinder (both Kinders that I worked with), threw me a goodbye party. I had absolutely NO idea. I began to cry when they yelled surprise and kids began to run towards me. I was so overwhelmed with emotion and everyone wanted pictures with me. I was a mess. It was about 120 degrees, I was hot and sweaty, and crying. But I had to compose myself. Mothers, fathers, siblings, children, neighbors, grandparents...everyone was there. I couldnt have asked for a better goodbye party. It was by far the BEST party I have ever had or been to. It was full of laughing and crying, dancing and singing, eating and hugging. It was full of love. LOVE. and thats all i could have asked for. They did what they could for me and to me thats incredible. They have nothing and they gave me everything. 

The last few days were days I will never forget. I had lice. Dan and Ally had lice. Power outages. We were running out of money. We were waiting for a birth. Goodbye parties. Walking around town for hours going house to house to almost everyone I have met in this past year. A grandmother passing away. A mother in pain. It was a weekend, like I said...ill never forget. 

I would like to go into detail but I would be sitting here for hours writing this blog. To find out how the month with my sisters visit went, please read her blog. She has helped Porvenir in amazing ways. Dan and Ally raised money before coming to Honduras, I got connected with a local pastor and we began our bunk bed project. Their blog has pictures and describes our adventures in depth. 

http://danandally.blogspot.com/

Im home now. Trying to adjust. Hoping to live a life according to everything I have learned in Honduras. Hoping to be a change. 

What I'll miss...

It’s the beginning of a new month…my tenth month here in Honduras. And the end is approaching. I have a plane ticket for August 15^th. I know that’s still a month and half away but I find myself reminiscing on all my experiences Ive had so far. I find myself thinking of all these moments that have made my time here so amazing. I find myself feeling sad that Im leaving. Already. And I don’t leave for another 1 ½ months. Sometimes I wonder if Ill be ready when that day comes. Will I be anxious to get back to the states? After being gone a year do I miss home? Is this my home? I feel like it is sometimes. I feel like this is where I should stay. I know im meant to be here now, but what about in the future? Yes, there are hard times, sad times, and lonely times. But with those comes the happy, fun, amazing, and unforgettable times. And those are the moments I live for. A chatty 5 year old talking about her daddy on the bike ride home. A group of kids waving bye to the chickens, cows, horses and anything else they pass. A shy boy who used to cry going to school and sit in the corner but now greets me at his gate eager to walk to Kinder together, and has a smile on his face every day. A wave from a man they call “Chico”, I know his name and he knows mine even though we have never talked before. Being invited over for a family dinner, when I know they struggle to feed even their own family, but this is their way of appreciation and love. Walking down the street and kids start running towards me yelling “Catalina, Catalina, Catalina!” Having a young mother trust me well enough to take her four children for the afternoon to give her a break. Being asked to be a part of the town parade, then having the locals go out of their way to help us. Seeing a new born baby grow through the first year of its life. Being made a special homemade Honduran soup when I’m not feeling well. Laying in the porch hammock watching the sun set over the beach. Being woken up on a Saturday morning because kids want to play. This is what Ill miss.

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

ATTENTION: If anyone knows of a good job for me I would like to know. Thank you.

Its like were in NYC!

“Oh my gosh, OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH” are my screams waking up everybody in the house. A huge tarantula was on the door into the kitchen. I mean huge. More or less the size of a fist. Now, the thing is, this door separates Cristina and I from the other girls rooms. The tarantula was on the girls side of the door so, therefore I couldn’t see how hairy of nasty looking it really was. So here we are, Cristina and I on one side and the other girls on the other, trying to figure out what to do. Call Danny? Call Charlie? Smack it with a frying pan? Get the machete? Well, what if it jumps or runs? The many questions we pondered and finally decided to call Charlie. In which he tells us to Raid it. So with 6 girls screaming, videos and pictures, Shawna with the broom, I have a bucket, Cristina Raid’s it, with a frying pan in the other hand, it eventually falls off the door and starts crawling towards me. Then it starts walking up the screen along the porch as Raid is just being doused upon it. We call Charlie again, among screams and tears to tell him we can’t handle it. Finally it shrivels up and dies. Good morning neighbors!

A few weeks ago, Cristina and I headed to the municipality in Porvenir to meet a few of our kids parents to help them get birth certificates. Without a birth certificate, kids cannot go to school. So in order to help them go to school, we needed to get the right papers. The parents told us they have tried to get the papers before, but couldn’t. For some reason, they wouldn’t give them the papers. They said with us there, they would for sure give them their birth certificates. Little did we know what they meant. So, we first meet one family. Well, the process to get your birth certificate is you have to bring your “boleto” which everyone is given when they register a birth of a child. On it is a number which corresponds to what book the original birth document is in. Yes, all the documents are on a metal shelf in books. Piled one on another, falling apart, tearing, etc. Well, the mom we were with, did not have her boleto with her kids document number, the lady working was not happy. So she had to give her kids birth dates…which the mom had to struggle to remember. Well, she ended up giving the worker lady the wrong year so at first she couldn’t find them. Then we told her to try the year before and after, in which she found them. The birth certificate was then hand-written. Cost = 10 lempiras. That’s 50 cents. After talking to the mom, found out she is 27  years old, her oldest child is 8 and she has 4 kids. Then we meet with another mom, and the lady working is even grouchier then before. This mom has been back before to get a birth certificate but also doesn’t have a boleto. It was obvious because she wasn’t dressed up, isn’t considered “high-class” the worker lady didn’t treat her with very much respect. She spoke harshly in a reprimanding way. Which is what this mom has said happened before, that she has tried to get it but they would never give it to her. Which is really sad and crazy that the lady working, or whoever works that time can simply turn someone away because they don’t want to help them. Where as in the states you have a right to be served. Not here. Goes to show just how unjust the system is. So the mom said that if we were there, they would give her what she wanted. Exactly what happened. The lady had an attitude but still did it because we were there. Gringos were there. That’s sad. In this particular case, the papers the mom had were washed away and destroyed when their house was flooded by rain. So its not even her fault anyways. However, for the younger siblings, they are not registered at all. Children must be registered at the municipality within 5 months of their birth, the son is now 2 years old. Who knows what will happen now. Makes you think, are most child births at home then? If they cant afford any kind of care, they must deliver at home, right? Yikes…

About two weeks ago, Cristina and I took some girls from town to Ceiba for a special night. The kids really deserve some special time but little did we know how much they would actually enjoy it in the long run. As we walk up to their house, they were all standing outside, in their best dress, waiting for us. The smiles of their faces were something I’ll never forget. We only anticipated taking 5 girls, somehow 7 showed up. But there was no way we were going to turn anyone away. As we leave the house and I tell one of the moms we will be back around 8, the girls get giddy with excitement. One of them whispers to the other, “were going to Ceiba!” On the bus ride into town they were just starring out the window “look at this, look at that!” We get off the bus and one girl said “Wow, that was so much fun!” Maybe she had never been to Ceiba before? This was the first time any of them had been to the mall. While standing outside of the mall, one of the girls says “It’s like were in New York City!” As we walk in they all comment on the air-conditioning. Some say it feels good, some say its freezing. Then comes time for the escalators, which started a big thing. First one of the girls got scared so we had to go back down and get her. Which was fine with the other girls because all they wanted to do was ride up and down as many times as we would let them. We were planning on watching a movie at the cinema, but the only movies were playing had subtitles and not everyone could read so we had to skip that. But KFC I think took their mind off not watching a movie. I thought they would want  Pizza, something they can’t eat in Porvenir, but no, they wanted chicken…go figure. With 19 pieces of chicken, 8 drinks, 8 rolls and 8 sides of fries, they ate what they could and took the rest home for their family. Cristina and I on the other hand had one piece of chicken, shared a drink and split fries. Then, we all took pics with “abuelo” the white haired guy from KFC. After a quick icecream stop, and more escalator and elevator rides, we headed back home. 9 people into one taxi! That’s how we do it here in Honduras J It was a very successful day, the girls had a blast which couldn’t have made Cristina and I happier. Of course we arrive back in Porvenir to another power outage…typical.

Spending my birthday in Honduras was incredible. We were able to have a home cooked traditional Honduran meal, which is by far my favorite. The girls I teach English to gave me a Honduras t-shirt. The weather was perfect. Rainbows, clear mountains in the distance, shinning sun behind the clouds just bursting with color. After dinner I spent with the other volunteers in the house. They sang happy birthday, played a few songs on the guitar, we played a few games and spend the whole night talking. Then they gave me a birthday card. On the first side was a small note from each volunteer, on the inside was each Kinder kids name. If the kids could write their own name, they did, if not, they wrote it with help. I began to cry. More than anything, this was by far the best gift I could have received. It was the best gift to complete the best day. The next day was another volunteer, Shawnas birthday. So on Saturday we were able to celebrate together with a bonfire on the beach! It was perfect. Guitars, bonfire, and the night sky shinning with stars above. Its times like that were you are just thankful. Life is beautiful. Then a shooting star falls in the sky. Bright red. On fire. The coolest thing ever. Heat lightning in the distance. Perfection.

 

Be shaken by what you see

I saw little Moises, Nisy and Yaritza hauling wood the other day. Samir and Ismael selling avocadoes.  Hazel jumping buses selling his mothers fried chicken. Brayan carrying his little baby sister across the street. Astrid walking home alone. Oscars upset stomach because his mom doesn’t have food to give him before kinder. Nicol bathing, dressing and feeding herself. Yordi caring for every need of his younger siblings. The neighbor girls collecting empty plastic bottles to turn in for money. Street kids begging outside the grocery store for a few lempiras. These are children, they should be out having fun. The weight of the world is on their shoulders, already at the age of 5.

Wednesdays are our Kinder play day in the afternoon. We may take them to the beach, the river, the soccer field, etc. This is their time, where they don’t have to worry about obligations at home. No chores. No one yelling at them. Care free. It gives them two hours where they can actually act their age. Two hours where kids can be kids.

About two weeks ago Cristina and I were able to have a special night with the twins we are tutoring with English. We took Andrea and Alejandra and their cousin Bessy out to la Ceiba. We had planned on a dinner and a movie, but because the only movies playing were adult ones, we ended up at Pizza Hut. The girls ran wild, with their Pizza Hut hats and Horchata drinks, they got to do something they never do…have a night all about them. Not one they have to share with all their siblings and cousins. Just the three of them. We were able to buy a princess movie they had been wanting to see with plans on watching it when we got back to Porvenir, however the power was out in the whole town. Little did we know this was just the beginning. The power has gone out 6 nights in the past two weeks. 85 degree nights with no fans is a sticky hot mess. Anyways it ended up being a very fun night, plus the pizza was a nice treat for Cristina and I as well!

Last weekend, for all you reggaeton lovers, Daddy Yankee was in San Pedro Sula, so Cristina and I took the 3 hour bus ride to be at his concert on Friday night. It was the best concert Ive ever been too! Saturday we made it to Lago de Yojoa, then back to Porvenir on Sunday. Instead of going back to the beach house we were sent to the Porvenir Inn down the road where we use internet at. A church group from Georgia was down of the week on their spring break spending their time in the Kinder. It almost felt like a small VBS, with all their energy and positive spirit with the kids, the week flew by! It was great having a change of pace, with new activities and games, the kids couldn’t have been happier! Plus, with the luxury of living in a hotel for the week, we were able to use the internet, watch tv and be in a bed, all at the same time! On top of that…AIRCONDITIONING!

Its not one week before Semana Santa which is more or less Spring Break. Porvenir is going through some changes. Houses are being painted, dirt roads are being “re-raked?”, the beaches are being cleaned, more and more people are out and about selling items and soon enough a catholic tradition will provoke people to dress up in costumes and run around scaring people in town. The craziness is just getting started!

There is a quote that a few facebook friends have posted to their page "...I ask each of you to take the time to be a Hokie this week. Appreciate life a little more, take in every moment around you, count your blessings, tell the people around you that you love them, slow down, remember what's truly important in life. And live for those 32 that do not have that chance anymore." 4/16/07 neVer forgeT . As you all know of the events of April 16, that occurred at Virginia Tech, its hard not to be overcome with emotion and thoughts of that tragic day. This quote seems to relay my exact thoughts as I think about where I am, the people I love and the kids I work with day to day. I pray that we may all learn to live by this quote and with this week especially, lets all be Hokies!

Being here has allowed my mind to wonder, sometimes I fear too much. The times Im able to sit in the hammock and just think, my thoughts are consumed 100% of these kids. I begin to think of their lives. I think about their families. I think about their homes. I think about their futures. Right now, who do they have? Their parents might not be around. They might be on the streets finding other kids to play with. They aren’t in school and haven’t been for most of this school year. Teacher strikes are on the daily. What about last year? Two months TOTAL they were in school. TWO MONTHS out of an entire school year they had attended. This is Honduras’ future. Kids that should be years ahead of where they currently are. So what will happen to these kids? Its not their fault, they were raised like this. They are raised to believe if you pass the 6^th grade that’s good enough. They don’t know any better. Illiteracy is all around. I find myself correcting Spanish speakers in their own Spanish. Spelling, grammer, public signs spelled wrong, pronunciation of words wrong, receiving change on the bus or at stores wrong, etc. So these innocent children, right now, have us. The volunteers. To care and love them. To teach while no on else seems to want to. To play with them. To be a smiling face walking through the streets. To be a big sister for them. To be a family.

This is my hope. That one day enough people will care. That people might realize its not about the newest IPhone or that new car everybody is talking about. But instead there are people suffering who just want to be loved. The mom who cant feed her own children. The dad who waits until the last day to pay his electric or water bill before it gets shut off. The 5 year old big brother who must be the man of the household, as such a young age. The woman trying to sell a 50 cent pineapple so she can feed her family dinner. This is the real world. This is the real fight. This is life but life is worth the fight. So lets be shaken by what we see. This is my hope, and I am in love with HOPE.

My thoughts on a few things...

Before arriving in the states:

A lot of thoughts come to my mind right now. Im on my way home and I cant help but think about everything im leaving behind, even though its only for a week. One person in particular, Wakiria. She is a beautiful, intelligent, caring and hard working young girl. Her mom, Miladies relies a lot on Wakiria, of only 13 years old, to help her from the time she wakes up to the time she goes to bed. From trying to bring Yeison to Kinder in the morning, to washing clothes, taking care of little Noe, and cooking. She has grown up WAY too fast. She is now in school and has been coming to our afternoon homework help session we hold at our beach house on Tuesdays and Thursdays. In one of the recent sessions, she asked for a note to take to her mom saying that she needs to study her multiplication tables. When have you ever heard of such a thing? Where a 13 year old wants to study and needs a note to prove it? Know why? Because she is needed doing household chores or caring for her 5 other smaller siblings. Does her momunderstand the importance of an education? Probably not. How far will Wakiria go in school? Hard to tell. Im just happy she is there now. School is interesting here in El Porvenir. When classes began, we asked several children around town how they liked their classes. Well, some didn’t have class, they didn’t have a teacher. NO TEACHER. Some classes went longer than others, some kids in the afternoon classes got done at 3 and others at 5. That’s only 3 hours of school a day. However, this depends on the teacher. However long they want to teach. Now that school is in session we have been keeping our eye out for kids not in school for whatever reason. Amalia found Marcos a few weeks ago, who was not in school because he could not afford the $2.50 it costs to register. He didn’t have a uniform or any supplies. Amalia got what he needed and he is now in classes! Crazy huh? Two dollars and fifty sense.

 The other day in Kinder Rosa began telling me about Oscar. She said whenever he asks for more cornflakes, to give him as much as he wants. His mom is really struggling at home. He comes to Kinder, not having eaten breakfast, because they don’t have anything. There are times where she has to feed her baby water with sugar because she cant afford milk or food. I think im thinking about all this as I am on my way back to the states because they will most likely never have this opportunity. It almost makes me feel bad about going home. Knowing that I am going to get in one of the four cars my family owns. Eat tons of food daily, sitting on my comfy couch, watching my flat screen TV, in my house where we all have our own beds and rooms to sleep in. Mom will probably vacuum one day…THE CARPET. Dad will work on…THE POOL. No muddy dirt floors, no cardboard walls, no wooden plank bed. No need to try and sell that 50 cent pineapple in order to buy dinner for that same day. No need to send my kids on the streets to beg. Its not fair. This world is not fair. People are not fair. 

After my trip to the states:

Im back in El Porvenir and couldn’t be happier! It felt so good to drive into town and see all Porvenirs hot-spots. My trip home was great but just reconfirmed how much I really love being here, in Honduras. One of the many questions I was asked while home, was what is the most annoying part of being back in the states? Well, that’s an easy one. People and their money. Im so tired of people flaunting their money. In the news they talked a lot about Charlie Sheen who now wants 3 MILLION dollars an episode rather than the measly 2 MILLION he already gets. That’s what now, weekly he gets that? Its absolutely ridiculous. I walked to grandmas house the other day to play with the kids and little Noe was bathing himself in a broken cooler. You know the cooler that anyone and everyone has, carring their drinks, beers, and food to the beach or on a picnic or whatnot. The insulated part was still intact, which is what he was sitting in but the outside was all falling apart. Really? And Charlie Sheen wants 3 million dollars, give me a break. I get so frustrated when it comes to money. SO FRUSTRATED. Even the little things in everyday life. It just makes no sense. I get frustrated with myself. How can I go on in life and be happy if I know I can be helping others? I feel so guilty every time I go out to eat, everytime I sleep in my bed, everytime I get into my car. How can I be so fortunate when I know others are struggling. People in general are just really ignorant, I just don’t understand how you can live like that knowing others are starving elsewhere. The world would be such a better place if people cared. 

So Monday, we went to pick up our normal kids for “Mommys day out”, a new program we have started to watch infants to 4 years old, giving the moms a break. Also to try and reinforce that this is when they can leave their kids, not at home alone. As we walked up to Brayan’s house, we see a little naked boy in the water spicket outside his house. Well, theres Brayan with a washing board, washing the clothes Rebecca gave him. Scrubbing them back and forth…mind you, he is 5 years old. Im 22 and have never had to do that once in my life. His baby sister, 6 months old, is laying in the hammock on top of some blankets. We usually take her but Rebecca didn’t have any milk for the baby so she didn’t come. Milk…and Charlie Sheen wants 3 million dollars an episode.

 So this is why we spend our days, and our free time with the kids. They need us. I equally need them, they are my life now. At home they do chores a parent should be doing. But the times we spend at the beach, on the soccer field, even coloring, they are able to be kids again. And that is exactly what we want. Give them the chance to be the kids they should be.

So, as you can see Im so happy to be back here. Im glad I could visit home but Porvenir is my home as well. I missed my kids, I missed this life. And now were onto our next adventure, getting Lubin enrolled in school, getting his uniform and supplies, and papers to register. 

The start of something new

Just got back a few days ago from an amazing trip to Guatemala! Cristina, Janna and I headed out on an 11 day journey to see some of the most memorable and famous places in the world. We were able to visit Antigua, hike Volcan Pacaya, see one of the most beautiful lakes in the world of Lago de Atitlan, shop in the biggest outdoor market in Central America, swim in the natural limestone pools of Semuc Champey, and climb the famous Mayan ruins in Tikal, Flores. Indigenous men and women, pupusa street food, the pastry lady, the cross hike looking over the city, fresh lemonade sitting on the waters edge, the never ending colors in the market, moto-taxis every few feet, and of course the 16 hours drives between places, all memories I will never forget.

Cerro de la Cruz, Antigua ^

Volcan Pacaya ^

Mayan ruins at Tikal ^

For now, we are back in El Porvenir and Kinder has started a new year! We have 26 kids, who of which are the most adorable and loveable children in town. It feels so good to get back into the swing of things, Kinder in the morning and beach in the afternoon! Soon we will be starting English classes, outside play/beach times with the kids and a lineup of other activities of come! A year of ups and downs im sure are on the way, until now, I have 26 new kids to love!

Playgrounds for Change

About two weeks ago, Ana from Brazil and Phil from London came to Porvenir with great ambitions in mind. In their last project, they built a playground in Kenya, Africa and they have now found themselves in El Porvenir, Honduras. The “Playgrounds for Change” would be a community based project and would be built next to the Kinder. Posters were hung around town advertising community involvement in constructing the park. It would last three days including a snack and lunch each day. Although rain haltered construction, people were still present and wanting to work. Kids were shouting our names at our house when we weren’t there during the rain. As construction was in process the kids were running everywhere, from coloring inside the Kinder, to playing on the wood planks and finding whatever they could to go wild with. Once the slide was put in place, there was no stopping them. Six hours later and they were still on the slide. Then the swinging bridge was put up, finally the swings and a rope ladder. Hours upon hours they spent on that thing. It was relaxing for us since we were no longer depended on as their source of entertainment. We no longer had to play “horsey”, or run races, or be a human jungle gym. Once the majority of it was finished, the kids got to hand print with paint on the playground. The final project looks great and the kids can’t get enough of it.

Excuse the short blog, I have to deal with the rat family in our house…